i am writing all this down to later wrap my head around..
i don't even know where to begin. i feel like my life is moving ahead and yet, i'm still stuck in this weird spot. it's like i'm so ready to grow up but still wanting to hold on to that little piece of immaturity. but i guess that's everyone, right?
lately i've come to find that part of growing up means taking responsibilitly for your actions.. all of your actions. and if you're not going to take responsibility for them, then don't do them. i have some friends who don't exactly understand this concept, so i'm glad i at least have that down. if i'm gonna be ashamed about doing something later on, then i'm NOT going to do it. it's not that hard. i'm just thankful for all the things that have happened to me in my life to get me to where i am today. although i wish i didn't suck so much in the boy department.
i realized i never actually like someone because i'm always holding on to that fear of rejection. and that's not good. and as much as i say, "just take the risk, just go for it." i just can't seem to actually do it. it's starting to be a problem. i'm nineteen years old and i've never had a serious relationship. and at this rate, i don't think i ever will. hopefully one day i can find that guy that making the dive for would actually be worth it.. or maybe john gallagher jr will just open his eyes and realize we're made for each other. ;)